A Vision in Red
by HeartyMedusa
Summary: Set during the ME3: Citadel DLC starting with Shep and Joker's date at the Sushi Bar. Rated M for language (it is Joker, after all). Expect spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

_To: Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau_

_From: Lieutenant Commander Arabelle Shepard_

_Hope you're enjoying your Shoreleave. I was just wondering if you'd like to meet me at the Sushi Bar (you know which one I'm talking about). It's a pretty fancy place, so _try_ for semi-formal (maybe jeans and a nice shirt?) and you should do fine._

_I've heard the sushi is supposed to be the best in this part of the galaxy. Plus, I've heard that the cooks somehow manage an Earth-like greenhouse right here on the Citadel- so it's all natural vegetables._

_Let me know when you're available._

_-Ari Shepard-_

* * *

Joker shifted uncomfortable in his chair. He wasn't a huge fan of anyplace that required him to wear certain clothes and frowned heavily at his hat.

That and he preferred his meal to be cooked- not raw.

He gestured over a waiter. "Shot of your strongest whiskey and a bottle of your finest wine."

The waiter wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and, with a French accent, asked, "First date?"

"Not sure- kinda hoping it is, though."

"Probably wasn't your idea to come here, was it?" The waiter had dropped the cheesy accent.

Joker gave a shrug. "Apparently she likes sushi, veggie, raw, natural stuff. This kind of restaurant makes me feel out of place."

The waiter nodded in understanding. "I'll be right back."

Joker returned his attention to scanning the crowd. He stopped his survey when he noticed the crowd outside of the restaurant all starting to make a fuss- craning their heads around to catch a glimpse of…someone.

For a long moment, all Joker could see was red.

Red fabric clung to every sexy curve of the most perfect torso. The bottom of said dress flared after hugging him and revealed a pair of beautifully tanned, toned legs that any man with a pulse would want wrapped around their waist. The top was cut _just_ right in order to show off a fair amount of cleavage without being completely vulgar- of course, it didn't stop his mind from going to vulgar places. The brunette gracing the Citadel with the dress was…

…Shepard.

_Damn._

She was looking around (obviously for him)- oblivious to the commotion that she was causing- and all he managed to do was wave her over like the biggest damn dork in the galaxy. It was about at this point that he began worrying about how he was going to greet her.

Commander?

Shepard?

Arabelle?

"Ari," he said accidentally when she was near the table.

She graced him with a hundred watt smile and waited for him to pull out her chair. It was at this time that the waiter finally came back and was stopped dead in his tracks. He looked from Joker to Shepard and then back to Shepard.

As he handed Joker his shot, he muttered, "No damn wonder you were so nervous- that's Commander Shepard!"

Joker threw back the shot and handed the waiter back the glass and, as Joker sat down, the waiter poured them each a glass of wine and left after a very obvious glance at Shepard.

"I'm sorry about the dress- Liara forced me into it," she apologized, picking up the menu.

Joker couldn't believe it. She was apologizing for the most spec-fucking-tacular dress he had ever seen.

In his whole damn life.

"You look good," he assured her, cursing himself for the massive understatement.

"I look ridiculous."

Without thinking, Joker caught her hand. "You could be sitting here covered in blood and body parts and you'd still be nothing less than a ten- trust me, I've _seen_ you in the blood and body bits."

Shepard stared at him in shock- jaw slightly dropped.

_One point for Joker_, he thought.

He couldn't believe that he'd struck _the_ Commander Shepard silent with his words.

"Joker-"

Not really sure that he wanted to hear what she had to say, he interrupted, "So…you like sushi?"

She gave a small nod of acceptance of his wish to change the topic. "Yeah. How'd you know that, by the way?"

Joker shook his head. "_You_ invited _me._"

Shepard shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "I'm going to kill my dad next time I see him- interfering with my personal life like this."

Her words made Joker slightly uncomfortable. He stood awkwardly. "Oh. Okay. Well-"

She reached out and touched his arm gently. "No. I want to be here," she lowered her eyes and all but whispered, "with you."

Joker sat down slowly- not believing his ears. "Then what-"

Looking nervous, she leaned forward. Her lips were nothing but a breaths length from his and-

"Commander! Commander Shepard!"

_Damn. Must be fucking karma for cockblocking on the SR-1._


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N:_****_ Sorry for the long wait for this chapter! :D Some lines are taken from in-game (I can't help it that Bioware has excellent writers). Please enjoy!_**

* * *

Despite the numerous dates that she had taken part in, she had to say that none had ended quite as horribly as the one with Joker had.

If it could even really be called a date.

She laid in the fishy water that she had fallen through and internally cursed her choice of attire as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Next damn time, even if I _don't _wear armor, I'm wearing some damn pants and appropriate shoes," she spat, throwing her shoes away from herself.

She struggled to sit up- knowing that she had absolutely no medi-gel (wasn't like there was anywhere to put it in the dress she was wearing) just made everything_ so_ much better.

"You should've thought ahead, Arabelle," she scolded herself. "Should've stuffed some medi-gel down your bra or something."

With a groan, she finally made it to her feet- once again cursing her vanity.

"Commander!" Brooks all but shouted over the comm. "I found a secure terminal, don't worry. How're you doing?"

That was the million credit question. She had gotten lucky. Well…as lucky as one can be when they ruin a hundred and twenty-five credit dress.

But, she _was_ alive.

"Doing just peachy, thanks," she managed, still trying to catch her breath. As she made her way…somewhere…she remembered, "Brooks- you got hit."

"I did," the other woman said easily. "I used medi-gel- a lot."

_Lucky bitch,_ Shepard thought bitterly.

"Well," Brooks continued, "actually, um, all of it. Now everything's all bouncy."

Okay. So _Stupid Bitch_ was a much better description.

Sighing (and trying not to think of the amount of abuse her body had recently attained), she said, "That probably means you used too much."

_Dumb ass,_ she thought, making her way down a latter.

"Can I do anything to help?"

Frowning, Shepard managed to jump across a decent sized gap. "Call C-Sec and let them know what's going on. Me…I'll work on finding a way out."

She progressed in blissful silence for a few minutes. Despite that, her head was thumping with a headache that she couldn't afford.

Of course the first time she'd dressed up for a date in years ended with her bloody, tattered, and smelling like fish.

Just fracking typical.

Never a day off for the infamous Commander Arabelle Shepard.

"Brooks, I spotted some skycars…maybe a landing pad…."

She was silent for a moment. "Cision Motors?"

"That'd be it. Get a shuttle to meet me there. I'll find a way to it."

"Done. By the way, C-Sec has the whole area locked down."

"Meaning?" Shepard asked.

"It'll be tricky to get you a shuttle."

"Nothing's ever simple," Shepard muttered. "Well, stay on it."

"Your comm is hacked, by the way. Stay off of it. Besides me, that is."

"Any clue to who these guys are?"

"Nope, but they don't really seem to like you."

"I've already figured that out, thanks," Shepard said sarcastically. "It doesn't help me figure out who they are."

Her feet felt raw and she absolutely hated the entire situation. Hell, she didn't even know if Joker made it out okay.

"Dad and I really need to have a good, long talk about the merits of Shoreleave during a time of active war," she muttered, carefully taking aim at one of the thugs below her.

The shot managed to take down the guy when her comm came to life. "Ah, Lola, you telling me you aren't having fun?"

Shepard chuckled- even as bullets flew around her. "I had slightly different plans for my leave, thanks." She paused long enough to take out another guy. "How's Joker- he make it out alright?"

"Other than constantly muttering something about being bait? Better than you- I heard you made your exit by fish tank," he cackled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Meat Head," she muttered, pausing long enough to steal a few clips off some of the fallen bad guys.

"You know who's after you, Lola?"

"No clue, but they don't really seem to like me," she shrugged, despite knowing that he couldn't see her.

"Not helpful."

"Who is this?" Brooks demanded. "You're putting Commander Shepard's _life_ in danger."

_Great. The babysitter is back._

_Damn._


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, so, needless to say, he was pissed.

The question that he was still trying to figure out the answer to was who or _what_ he was mad at. Granted, he was pretty livid about being used as bait, but, mostly, it would've been nice to see where the _not date_ might've gone.

Shepard limped into the apartment with James at her side. However, despite the dress being torn and burned (and, if he was being honest, _ruined_), her skin marked with angry red gashes and burns, and her hair looking like it'd seen better days, she was no less beautiful than when she had first walked into the sushi place.

"Liara, EDI, I want the two of you to work with Brooks here to track down any leads pertaining to this gun," she waved the gun in her hand to specify which one she was talking about, "or any indicators to who's hiring a bunch of Cat6 mercs.

"Garrus, Wrex, James, and Javik, I need everyone's armor and guns brought back here. Discretion is key.

"Tali and Kaidan, I need access to security feeds- I'm talking the whole damn station," she ordered, barely pausing to look at them.

As the crew bustled into action, she began to make her way to the stairs. "Commander," Joker called out, slowly getting to his feet. "I've got to talk to you."

She barely looked at him. "Come on up, Joker," she suggested.

* * *

By the time he made his way into her room, she was cleaning up in the bathroom. "Helluva way to spend a shore leave," he snorted, sitting down- more than a little uncomfortable- on her bed.

"You've known me for how long and you still feel the need to find yourself surprised about things like this?"

"Doesn't it bother you, though? Don't you ever wish that- for one night- you could be Arabelle instead of Commander Shepard?" he asked angrily.

She stepped back into the room and looked at him, truly shocked. "The two aren't mutually exclusive, Joker. I can't be Arabelle _without_ being Commander Shepard."

He knew that she was right, but he was still pissed and she wasn't obliging him in a shared anger. "Who's your father?" he asked suddenly.

Again, she was shocked, "Joker-"

"Stop. Don't you think I have a right to know who set us up- or who you _think_ set us up?"

"You're right, but you need to keep it under wraps- it's a pretty big secret." When he nodded, she took a deep breath. "Admiral Hackett. Hackett is my dad."

It was his turn to be stunned.

Then, "Why would he set up a date between the two of us?"

Her eyes widened a little as her cheeks lit up a bright red. "Well…I…he…."

Again he had struck her speechless. Apparently he was on a roll.

"Shepard, we think we found something!" Liara yelled from downstairs.

To say she looked relieved would be an understatement. She smiled apologetically and began to make her way from the room but paused as Joker promised, "We'll finish this later."


	4. Chapter 4

By the time that Joker had made his way back downstairs, everyone was contemplating the upcoming _mission._ Arabelle stood with everyone's attention on her as she contemplated her options. Joker assumed that it was the choice of which gun to use and how quickly to use it.

So, of course, her next words surprised him.

"I don't have anything formal to wear, Liara," she informed said Asari with more than a little note of exasperation. "My only dress now smells like fish and is stained and ripped- or do you not remember my recent encounter of falling through a fish tank?"

It took every iota of control that Joker possessed not to laugh.

Liara rolled her eyes. "So we buy you something new," she said nonchalantly, and almost as though she was speaking to a petulant child. "All you need to worry about is picking a date- someone to help distract security if needed." She paused for a moment. "Do you have a preference of color?"

Shepard's eyes flicked momentarily to him before she nodded. "Yeah. Go for something in red."

That was almost enough to make him blush. Somehow, without him even telling her, she knew that he had a weakness for a woman in a red dress.

The evil, temptuous smile that played on her lips said that she knew his inner-most private thoughts and she didn't even have to look at him.

Liara nodded and gathered EDI, Tali, and Cortez to accompany her in the purchase. After Shepard gave them a warning to stay low-key, Liara said, "Just have someone picked by the time we get back."

Shepard waved away the words. "Pick up a tux for…" Shepard looked around the room at her options (and Joker was pretty damned sure that was going to pick James), and then said, "Joker. He's been a pretty good decoy this shore leave."

"Gee, thanks, Commander. We still need to have a long chat about you using me as bait."

Liara rolled her eyes at their banter and left the apartment with her chosen _squad_ to purchase the required attire.

"Why red, Shepard?" Kaidan inquired.

She was silent for a moment as a small, secretive smile crept onto her lips. "Surprises- good and bad- seem to happen with me wearing that color. Hopefully this'll be another good one."


End file.
